Thursday, August 2, 2012
Love Marriage Or Arranged Marriage?
Love marriage or arranged marriage? Which is better? Better to avoid the marital complexity of loving to love or arranging to love or loving to arrange or loving to adjust or adjusting to love and all that! Better concentrate first on the simplicity of love itself. …Sorry? …For the sake of making a beginning at least…yaar! Love is not that simple…we know! But what’s wrong in trying?
Once upon a time there was an aunt of mine who was waiting for quite a long time to get arranged to marry. With her parents already departed, the brothers tried and failed. It was becoming a matter of serious concern when my mother that is one of the elder sisters of the aunt struck upon a brilliant idea of arrangement.
One professionally employed nice and bright boy from the aunt’s native place got appointed in the town we were living in. He used to visit us frequently often making it to lunch or dinners. My mother called her sister over to our place and told her specifically to come for at least one month. The sweet, homely and always smiling aunt arrived to our great joy.
Meantime my mother talked to the boy’s elder sister also living in our town and through her obtained a token permission from the boy’s parents to make the arrangements. The boy came over one evening and…they met! The first seeds of an arranged marriage were sown. The get-to-know-each-other campaign started in all earnest with the boy visiting us almost every evening and for long hours.
We were getting annoyed since every time after serving tea and snacks we were sternly told to leave the room so that the boy and the girl could arrange privately. As small children our curiosity kept on growing thinking what they could possibly be doing!
The sitting room where they passed the hours had an adjacent storeroom with a high window in between always closed as it served no purpose. The lower half of the window was curtained up in the sitting room, but the top transparent glass panes were uncovered. We began to focus on those.
Standing up on a wooden stool in the storeroom we could reach up to the top glass panes and peep inside. It was not easy to just walk and sneak into the storeroom as we had to do our homework compulsorily. But the efforts paid dividends as we managed to have uninterrupted views one particular evening. We witnessed the boy taking up the aunt’s hands fondly into his! We got thrilled and cried victory.
The same night we confronted our aunt with our great discovery and ordered her to explain. Our sweet aunt gave a heavenly smile and squeezed our cheeks uttering ‘Wicked ones!’ We could understand the meaning of that heavenly smile only years later…it was love…damn it!
The arranged marriage took place in due course and the couple lived happily ever after. They had completed more than forty years of conjugal bliss and still looked forward to more, beaming and full of life.
Cut to a little recent time when we were freshly out of university and looking for jobs. In a particular hilly town where we lived then we all knew about a particular lover couple whose selfless love for each other was a constant talk in our sittings and a source of inspiration. Only their respective families did not know and nobody bothered to inform them.
Every evening they met on the streets and passed hours together, and of course, sometimes with us too. One of my friends used to joke saying the lover birds were always in search of some dark corners where they could realize their love to sublime perfection.
They managed to get married through love alone in due course. By that time we got scattered with jobs in different places. But we used to meet once in a while.
Maybe two years after the love marriage I met few of my old friends. What I heard paralyzed me with shock. I looked on disbelievingly. There were reports that the lover boy started beating his eternal love up now and then, and sometimes violently. Both of them were employed as lecturers in different colleges and the news spread fast through their colleagues. I felt relieved that the girl could at least be independent if needed.
One year later they started living separately despite having a house owned jointly out of love, and then the divorce came inevitably. Their two children got divided between them.
Was it love in the love marriage? Certainly not. Was it love in the arranged marriage? Certainly yes! What stands out basically is love! In its truest form, of course. If that ‘love’ happens you hardly need to adjust or compromise or manage or arrange or derange! If you can find happiness and bliss with your companion after even the most bitterest of all quarrels, it is love. Love could be cunning and selfish too, and in those cases it does not last whether you arrange it or love to love it.
Love marriage or arranged marriage? None of the two is either better or worse. Any of the two can be heavenly if love is there. And love just happens. If you are not convinced at all, which is only natural, brainstorm more here!
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