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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Humor: The Colors Of News!



The editor was at his wits end trying rather too hard to optimize his limited resources for an assignment that was as sudden as was demanding. He had to arrange several guests for a prestigious live newscast in the main circuit of the channel on a short notice. The guests were all big shots including top retired executives and professionals. As he proceeded on his assignment he began to learn to his dismay that super egos never cease to exist and become even more powerful after retirement or with age.

Two of the required panelists were the most nerve racking experiences he ever had. They lived very near to the studio of the channel and the editor expected they would just come down. When it was time for the arrival of the first guest the guy in the central office called telling him frantically that the eminent guest was waiting for office transport. The editor was completely taken aback because the guest did not tell him about the requirement and he could not arrange a car immediately now. So the called up the guest:

“Sir, sorry I was not aware you needed a transport. Sir…!”
“…How do you mean? Every other channel does that…I am not supposed to move on my own! This atrociously poor planning on your part!”
“…Sir, please understand I’m helpless at this moment. Sir, we offer a good honorarium that also includes a good conveyance amount for eminent guests. Please consider…!”
“You offer me money! Am I employed by your channel…am I on your duty? I’m not coming! ”
“No…no…Sir! Only for this time please consider!”
“…Okay! Who are the other guests participating?”
“Sir…Mr. X, Mr. Y and …!”
“Enough! I’m not coming!” he cut the line.
He did come down finally, refused the cup of coffee offered, but signed the honorarium contract.

While the first guest was finally inside the studio the editor got a call asking him to arrange another guest immediately. This time, he asked the guest after having him confirmed for the show if he required transport since he too lived almost adjacent to the studio. The second guest to the editor’s utter disbelief said yes—he needed office transport. He tried everything possible on earth to arrange a car, but failed due to the extremely short notice.  So he called up the guest:

“Sir…I’m very sorry...you know our constraints through your long association with us. At this moment I’m helpless…Sir, please consider!”
“I do know your constraints…but it’s your duty always. I’m not coming! No other channel asks me to venture out on my own!”
“Sir, we offer a good honorarium that also includes a good conveyance amount for eminent guests. Please consider…!”
“I don’t want your bloody money! I’m not a beggar!”
“Sir…please! Honorariums are offered to eminent figures like you out of our deep appreciation and respect, and not to beggars…in fact alms are offered…!”
“This is most atrociously poor planning on your part! I’d look if my driver is available…don’t expect me to drive down on my own!”

He did come down finally. He turned away the coffee offered saying it was cold. After the discussion the editor ordered hot steaming coffee for him. Finally the second guest left smiling saying that his motive for coming to such shows was never money, but a social service. However, he did sign the honorarium contract.

Luckily it was the festival of colors or Holi Festival the next day, and therefore he could immerse his anger and frustrations into layers and layers of myriad colors! Happy Holi!
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