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Saturday, August 9, 2014

Humor: The Big Bellied Bully!



All bullies do not have big bellies, but some big bellied ones are bullies. Such entities do not believe in the finer connotations of the phrase ‘throwing your weight around’; they literally ‘throw’ their weight around to their bullish benefits. You are likely to confront them anywhere, in every possible activity of life. In the school days you must remember some fat boys you have made fun of (not at all good behavior from you, of course), but there were indeed some others who intimidated you, threatened you and bullied you. In public transport you often curse if big bellied ones are around, even if they are not bullies. If they are you are in imminent danger of being dislocated.

That day the queue at the famous temple was unending and almost unruly. Maybe it was one of the innumerable auspicious days. In India you are often compelled by social or religious or family bondage to visit particular temples on particular days and there you see millions of such ‘pious’ people who stop at nothing to have a glimpse of their sought-after gods. If you come between them and their gods you stand the risk of being pushed out of the way, most…what should we say…non-religiously or religiously! 

We were inching ahead with minutes and hours going by unnoticed, so ‘religiously’ possessed we all were. When progress got hopelessly stranded, devotees cheered with loud intonations in praise of the Lord. In such moments a new spirit invaded the hordes often leading to jostling for no reason. Something pushed me at one such moment. I looked back in anger trying to catch the culprit behind me red-handed.  However, I managed to see only a huge belly. Crisscrossing over that anatomical delight I confronted one immensely disinterested and expressionless face. As if the owner of the belly was hardly aware of what his ‘partner’ was doing. That was the unmistakable sign of a bully, I decided. And I braced myself up for a rough journey ahead.

The big thing kept on pushing me every time there was some movement. I did try to give him stares, but he never noticed or pretended not to notice. He allowed his partner to do all the action for him. I also did try to create some distance by taking one extra step every time almost breathing over the neck of the one in front of me, but every time the thing made up for that extra space too.  I prayed to the deity of that temple to take that blockage out of my back. However, God too took no notice! Maybe the spectacle was entertaining for the divinity too.

At the final leg as we neared the altar the security personnel took over and added to the agony by trying to hurry up things. I vented all my anger accumulated out of the big belly on the security guard hissing out to him, ‘Don’t dare touch me! I can take care of myself, you idiot!’

With the divinity in full view now there was the usual commotion arising out of last minute desperation, and the big belly gave me a real big push. I faltered on my steps and almost stumbled over the altar. To my ‘divine’ surprise I found myself at the feet of the deity, and took full advantage of this unexpected bonus from the big bellied bully. Finally I could pray from the innermost depth of my heart. I then readily jumped to that typical Indian escapist philosophy—everything done at any point of time is for the ultimate good!  
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