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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Humor: The Party Proletariat!

Parties have an intrinsic charm. It's some place where you can be oblivious of your purse. There is absolutely no need to dispense with your flush notes or to flash your credit cards around. And, there is no end to the delicacies you can gorge upon.

There is also an intrinsic competitive urge to taste, if not to devour, all the delicacies on show. You feel if you have not tasted all you are a poor loser. You change your habits too.
If you take tea only, and you see coffee being served you instantly free yourselves of all inhibitions and start relishing the pristine taste of coffee.
If you are a strict no-no to hard liqueur you feel the spirit of participation turning you on compulsively. If you drink, but your brand is not there you can do with any available.
If you are a vegetarian and cannot come out of your dogmatic beliefs you can only glower at all the non-vegetarians who throng veg. counters too for the fear of being declared a loser. Some vegetarians are smarter. They accept their affair with the non-veg food as a one-night stand.
Sometimes there are surprise parties. You attend some normal events or shows, and at interval, you discover freebies offered lavishly. You make a mad rush to get a safe place in the serpentine queues. If you manage to bring up the rear only you live in constant trepidation. The stocks may end anytime and you will be labeled a loser.
Well, if something is offered free you must manage to get a huge share. Otherwise you are a poor loser. And nobody wants to be a loser.
The long queues always disturb you. You glower at your fellow party animals muttering, 'Goddamned suckers! You get nothing to eat at home or what!' Once you get the platter on hand you just do not want to take any kind of risk. You 'upload' your plate with huge quantities of every possible item totally irrespective of what you can 'download' eventually.
We are not sure whether Sigmund Freud had ever dealt with this universal human party behavior or not. Maybe that time there were not enough parties to justify such an analysis.
In modern times big international events like film festivals, conferences or seminars are happening all the time and no event is meaningful without dinners or parties. The attending delegates are always focused on 'managing' the passes for parties rather than just doing what they have come for. This is such a prestige issue that they are ready to go to any extent of cajoling, entreating, beseeching, begging, enticing or bribing the pass issuing executives. Once they are laden with all the passes for all the dinners during the event, only then, they look around to examine the purpose they have come for.
Well, if you fail to 'manage' passes for free parties you are the worst and the utterly useless human creature polluting this planet earth.
When there are contributory parties you try for My Contribution Optimization (MCO). You strive for the maximum gastronomic benefits that can possibly be 'uploaded' to justify the hard cash you have paid.
The most fundamental lesson we learn from the party experience is that parties, like the French Revolution, are based on liberty and equality alright, but we are not very sure of the 'fraternity' phenomenon. Parties are totally devoid of class or creed bias and the 'bourgeois' division. It does not matter how much dough or credit cards you carry, what dress you wear, what company you keep and what background you belong to. On the party day you are an equal and you behave the same quintessential way as all the others. You can wholeheartedly participate in the free-for-all rampage and try by all means not to be labeled a poor loser.
This tremendous 'party psyche' of the homo sapiens needs to delved into by the experts to give us more lucrative details and tips so that we can walk royally into parties and enjoy totally.
So then, happy partying!

(This  article was published earlier Here. Party behavior has not changed much since, so why not have some fun!)

Monday, May 19, 2014

Politics Of Corruption: AAP Wants Kejriwal To Be CM Again!

Arvind Kejriwal's ambitions were rooted to the popularity and the national appeal of the anti-corruption crusader Anna Hazare. Utilizing his proximity to Anna he formed his own political entity Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) and  decided it was time to part ways with his 'mentor' as the great idealistic campaigner never wanted to have anything to do with political parties. When Kejriwal was given a stunning mandate by the people in Delhi he took it as a verdict for his party and his ambitions partially fulfilled Kejriwal and his party indulged in all sorts of politicking that any political party is capable of. He did not want to accept that people in fact wanted a corruption free government and voted for a government that could ensure a solution for this burning issue of the Indian way of life. With power and popularity peaking Kejriwal did all possible under the sun to create and maintain the hype around him. 

Like a person possessed by ambition Kejriwal looked ahead to further his success after the Delhi Assembly poll. He kept his sight on the coming Lok Sabha Elections and thought a person like him could not possibly waste his time being a mere Chief Minister while the post of the Prime Minister seemed to beckon to him constantly. His AAP had already decided to contest in 400 out of the 543 Lok Sabha seats. Therefore Kejriwal decided to quit as Chief Minister and after 49 days in power let his government fall citing a whole lot of flimsy reasons. He conveniently forgot that his party betrayed his voters absolutely and made the fatal mistake of taking voters for granted. He even did not like the idea of the BJP trying to form a government in his place and so moved the Supreme Court seeking immediate dissolution of the Delhi Assembly. 

We have already told you what happened in the General Elections-2014. Apart from Kejriwal losing to Narendra Modi in Varanasi his AAP fared miserably everywhere except for the state Punjab where it managed to get 4 seats. In Delhi AAP could not get a single seat coming second to the winning BJP candidates in only three constituencies while coming on top only in 10 Assembly segments out of a total of 70 segments. People of Delhi rejected AAP in no uncertain terms and like the national trend brought in the BJP in all of the 7 seats of Delhi. At the moment Arvind Kejriwal and his party have nothing to do to stay on in media limelight. 

So then in a party meet top leaders some members of AAP mooted a proposal that Kejriwal try form a government in Delhi again and naturally take over as Chief Minister. Kejriwal was also present in the meeting and reportedly did not comment. Around twenty AAP members were in favor of this and they represent a typical political behavior. They cannot afford to stay starved of political power and clout, and so would like to grab that by hook or by crook. The so-called anti-corruption activists have come a full ironic circle now. What they are doing or trying to do now is moral corruption and India Against Corruption must take note of this. The Fight Against Corruption must now be directed against the very people who took advantage of the movement to grab political power and not having their plate full would like to devour some more. 

And to whose support they are looking for now? After receiving an overwhelming public mandate BJP would have no business of supporting some opportunists, and the party had already stated that it was for fresh elections in Delhi. Are they then looking forward to getting support again from Congress--a party so utterly rejected and bitterly dejected? Fittingly AAP got snubbed from Congress too as the party said clearly that it did not want to support again and would like to have fresh elections despite its present miserable condition. Kejriwal blossomed his political career by attacking the Congress endlessly and now he must pay heed to the same party when it tells him that he has no moral authority to try form a government in Delhi again. Anna Hazare was dead right when almost two years back he set some essential qualifications for a person wanting to fight corruption.

PS: AAP tweeted later today that some media are resorting to spreading rumors and that there was no question of forming a government again in Delhi because AAP wanted reelection in the first place.  Well, it will definitely prevent loss of sleep for many AAP loyalists! For the moment, of course! 

Saturday, May 17, 2014

General Elections-2014: Overwhelming Public Mandate For A New Government!

Perhaps only one of those exit polls ventured out giving around 340 Lok Sabha seats for the BJP led NDA and a number in excess of simple majority for BJP on its own. In the most emphatic mandate since 1984 that exit poll proved to be the most accurate one. On the counting day yesterday that saw India glued to television sets, almost empty streets and offices and live-wire packed newsrooms Indian citizens proved why democracy is still the raging spirit in this country. They did not mince words or showed any waywardness. They rejected the incumbent government and brought in a new government in all democratic glory. All small political parties including Arvind Kejriwal’s much talked about AAP could not even give a fight. It was a clear choice for BJP alliance rejecting the Congress alliance. Only in states like Tamil Nadu and West Bengal the regional parties continued to hold sway with Jayalalitha and Mamata Bannerji sweeping the polls promising strong opposition groups in the Indian Parliament. However, they are denied like all other power mongers waiting for a situation where BJP would need support to achieve the magic number of 272 in a 543-member Lok Sabha of having any horse-trading or manipulative hands in the formation of the new government. The Congress party got reduced to its worst ever performance since independence with a paltry 44 seats while the UPA got just 60, unable even to sit on the opposition effectively.

After noon yesterday trends started revealing the inkling of an overwhelming victory for the BJP under the aggressive leadership of Narendra Modi—the next Prime Minister in the new government to be formed shortly. The BJP led alliance, NDA, cruised to 336 seats while BJP got 282 technically allowing it to form a government on its own. If you leave out Gujarat as Modi’s state then you must take note of the spectacular performances of BJP in Uttar Pradesh and Rajasthan and of the BJP led alliance in Maharashtra.  Uttar Pradesh and Maharashtra do stand out, because in the former the BJP overcame the Mulayam Singh Yadav led Samajwadi Party and the Mayawati led BSP capturing 73 of the 80 seats and in the latter in its alliance with Shiv Sena, Republican Party of India and farmers’ political parties BJP scripted the incredible defeats of some of the most dominant Congress and NCP leaders of Maharashtra including central and state cabinet ministers. BJP got 23, Shiv Sena 18 and Swabhimani Shetkari Sanghtana 1, thus capturing 42 of total 48 seats. It has been a significant comeback for Shiv Sena that had been sort of languishing after the demise of its father figure Balasaheb Thackeray and due to leadership issues and continuous attacks by its breakaway party Maharashtra Navnirman Sena. Shiv Sena is now rejuvenated and set for the potent future with Assembly Elections due in October this year in Maharashtra. The coming Assembly Elections will be the biggest challenge for the staggering ruling combine led by Congress.

And of course, Mumbai. As you know Mumbai hit its second half-century in 25 years this General Elections when it voted in excess of fifty percent. That was supposed to be a wave and we explained it in details for you recently. Indeed, it was such a wave that the saffron alliance (BJP-Shiv Sena) swept the city winning all six seats. Standing, outstanding and traditional candidates just lost and lost by huge margins—another trend visible nationally as BJP or its partner parties won with margins of hundred thousand or more. The all-time record of the biggest win margin was made by none other than the next Prime Minister of India Narendra Modi when he defeated his Congress rival by over 5,70,000 votes in his home state Gujarat.

With the new government in place it will be hardly easy for BJP and partners to rule India. They have to perform on issues like corruption, inflation, economic policies, foreign policy relating mainly to Pakistan and so on. In the role of the national opposition BJP had been attacking, harassing, cornering the ruling coalition and stalling Parliament most of the time. Then there is the ‘fear factor’ associated with the BJP or Modi Government. They will also have to overcome the fears of the minorities who are suspicious of their religiously aggressive Hindutva, communality and polarization. Would-be Prime Minister Narendra Modi must take all these into account and must continue to respect peoples’ overwhelming faith in his leadership.Today Modi flew to New Delhi to attend BJP's Parliamentary Board meeting. Then he visited his second constituency Varanasi in Uttar Pradesh where he defeated Arvind Kejriwal by a huge margin.

President Obama talked to Modi over phone inviting him to visit the US. Many other countries including France expressed willingness to associate with the new Indian government closely. International media gave wide coverage to BJP and Modi’s thumping victory.  Meanwhile the outgoing Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh has tendered his resignation to the President of India today after giving his farewell speech. The Parliamentary Party of the BJP is going to meet in the capital on Tuesday, the 20th of May to formally elect Narendra Modi as their leader and the next Prime Minister of India.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

General Elections-2014: Would 16th May Bring In A New Government?

General Elections-2014 for Lok Sabha—the lower house of the Indian Parliament—has been a record in terms of maximum number of phases. The polling process was completed in nine phases starting 7th April and ending 12th May. Voting percentage has been a record too for General Elections-2014 as this has been the highest since 1984. In 1984 voting percentage was 64% and it gave a landslide victory for the Congress led by late Rajiv Gandhi who became the Prime Minister. Following the assassination of Indira Gandhi a sympathy wave was cited as the main reason for the mandate. However, the high percentage of voting normally accompanying a wave was not anti-incumbency that time. This time the national average percentage is around 66% and this could normally signify an anti-incumbency wave. One more record has been made in terms of the lowest ever level of politics with unprecedented aggression, personalized attacks and polarization for General Elections-2014. Even the constitutional body of the Election Commission of India (EC) became the target of attacks by almost all political parties and often a part of the conspiracy theory that has been raging for the last few months making mainly the BJP to smell a Congress hand or the AAP smelling a Congress-BJP hand in any happening of any sort. Anyway, the BJP Prime Ministerial candidate Narendra Modi became the No. 1 campaigner holding on average two rallies daily for at least two months accompanied by a sound and aggressive marketing strategy. The Congress thought the counter offered by Rahul Gandhi might not be optimal and therefore the party unfolded the Priyanka Gandhi card at a later stage leading to a high-voltage climax.

The highlight of the last phase of polling was the Varanasi constituency in Uttar Pradesh where PM candidate Narendra Modi is having a direct fight with Arvind Kejriwal of AAP. Attention of not just India but that of the whole world has been focused on this exciting contest. The moment polling came to an end on the evening of 12th May exit polls invaded almost all the national news channels. The interesting trend that emerged from all these exit polls was that a new government was going to be formed at the centre. And the national opposition party BJP led by Narendra Modi is clearly signaled to be the single largest party and that the new government was almost sure to be formed by them. The seats given to the BJP led NDA ranges from 250 to 340 indicating situations of looking for support from new allies to clear majority or absolute majority or even a two-thirds majority. The stock market has responded in a big way with the Sensex crossing 24,000 mark for the first time ever and is set to surpass even 25,000 on 16th May if BJP is given a clear public mandate. Well, the share market looks forward to having a stable government possibly ending a period of policy paralysis. US President Barack Obama has also expressed his eagerness to welcome a new government in India. The euphoria, particularly in the BJP ranks, across the country is visibly palpable with the sulking and the outgoing Congress-led ruling coalition UPA-2 having to blame only themselves for the unending series of scams and unprecedented levels of corruption.

Exit polls are not right every time. Some have already pointed out that exit polls wrongly predicted a BJP comeback in 2004 when there was actually a wave for change of power. However, this time all exit polls predicting similar results is being looked upon seriously combined with the record voting percentage and a clear perception of an anti-incumbency wave. These factors taken together only heighten the suspense created around the Counting Day on Friday, the 16th May, 2014. Finally this day would reveal the full truth and could be historic in many ways. The countdown for the counting day is getting almost unbearable. Whole of India is focused on this day and waiting to see who would finally govern them.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Humor: The Virtual Travel Package!

Emboldened by his earlier encouraging experience with the banking hawks Mr. Thames Pond decides to carry on from there. He takes a pledge to encounter any call from any credit card or banking executive with guts and intelligence. He must ensure that he refuse all unnecessary offers or entrapments. He’d no longer be vulnerable. And then, as usual, he gets a call right away…
“Hello…am I speaking to Thames Pond please?”
“Who’s this please?”
“This is Moneycanny Sir, from UC bank!...Mr. Pond?”
“Right, this is Pond. Thames Pond!”
“So nice to talk to you again! Good morning Sir!”
“Good morning..Ms. err…!”
“Mr. Pond…can I take just two minutes of your most precious time?”
“Regarding what?”
“Sir, you are one of our most privileged customers. We’ve reviewed your payment record over the years and found your credit history absolutely sound. Therefore, we’d like to offer you a rare privilege in terms of travel benefits. We are sending you a package of travel vouchers allowing you to have free five-star hotel comforts in various tourist locations you’d like to visit. We need your consent Sir so that we can forward that package to you readily.”
“You are giving me all these free, milady?”
“Absolutely Sir! This is our thanksgiving to one of our most privileged customers.”
“No payment? No hidden costs? Are you sure?”
“Yes Sir! All you have to do is to receive it!”
“Okay…in that case I can consider…Ms…err…!”
“Thanks Sir! Your package is worth more than ------ bucks. So there will be a service tax and other charges. You will pay an amount of ---- bucks for receiving the package. We’ll bill this amount in your next card statement…”
“Hey…wait a minute! What are you saying…I’ll have to pay to receive your benefits?”
“Right Sir! You are not making a payment, you are only paying taxes. Your package is worth a lot of money and so service charges apply naturally…”
“Wait a minute…you see…”
“Ours is one of the largest banks of the country with a huge network…”
“Hey..Ms…err…I’m not referring to your bank…I mean you see…that is you..and see here! You see…err…you…see…I will have to take leave from my office…book tickets…plan it perfectly to be able to avail of your travel package, right? And considering your five-star privilege I must travel by air…I cannot just crawl and slog to land up there, no? Now, the problem is it may not materialize in that specified period of yours…due to so many reasons…”
“But Sir, we expect you definitely won’t let go of such money-saving opportunity!”
“…Okay…you expect…I want too. But it is not in my hands. Now, if I fail to avail of your ‘free’ package why on earth should I pay you in advance? You send it…I’ll see, and then if I do travel and enjoy your five-star luxuries please bill the service charge…this makes perfect sense.”
“Sorry Sir! We offer you a value package and therefore we have to charge the service tax. Please confirm your agreement so that we can send it across immediately.”
“I’m sorry too…milady! I cannot give my consent…” (Cuts the line.) 

Mr. Pond watches his phone ring again. He rejects the call, deliriously happy. The process repeats itself one more time. Then silence as Mr. Pond indulges himself a broad grin.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Mutuality: The Ever Growing Exchange For Favors!

Prologue: There is some reason; you may call it even frustration, in republishing my old article here. It is for someone who is getting helplessly caught in the crossfire of favors being granted or taken without having the ability to overcome or neutralize it. It applies anywhere the ‘someone’ works to eke out a living; it may even apply to governments. You all know what to expect when there is change of power—it means persons in key posts either get transfers or even the sack and some others filling up those posts. Naturally, the new rulers do not have ‘mutuality’ with the present ones and therefore take in the ones who fit their exchange for favors granted or taken. In an office the powerful chief possesses the strongest exchange and can thus indulge continuously in giving and taking favors (favors meaning any kind of profitable assignments). In a bigger office where there are more powerful post-holders parallel exchanges for favors work. When one chief does a project s/he invites all members of his/her exchange to participate and gets reciprocated in ‘taking’ ways. But, when several top bosses work together in a project the picture gets complicated, because the process enables, disables, confronts, restricts and bars ‘mutual’ people to get invited.  An open competition takes place for ‘favors’ to be given and only the most powerfully expert one manages to get his/her quota of mutual friends fully filled up. Someone who sticks to his/her yardstick of merit or ability for extending invitation (not favors, but calling upon to contribute productively) languishes and most often is ignored completely.  

The Article: Relationships of all shades and colors have, apparently, undergone a sea change in today's cut-throat modern times. Mutuality or reciprocity, though the underlying strength in olden times too, has now become conscious calculative logistics. And worse, even that conscious logistics have ceased to be respected.

In simpler terms, if every relationship is justified by a policy of 'give and take'; now it has become for some only to give give and give and for some only to take take and take leaving on its trail sufferers and broken hearts and divorced relationships.

Once upon a time one used to call up one's beloved just for the warmth of it. Now, if you call up your loved ones you are most likely to face the crushing query, 'So tell me, why you have called up?' Now, if you want to surprise your loved ones by visiting them you are likely to be most unpleasantly surprised. You will have to take an appointment well before the date and give your reasons for that too.

In fact, there was a lurking danger in the 'give and take' policy, conscious or unconscious. If it's 'give and take' it sort of harmonizes, but if it's 'take and give' it stinks. This danger, most probably, had opened the gates for exploitation and abuse of relationships. The 'takers' have become dominant and the 'givers' have become the sufferers.

In all marital relationships the husband is the natural 'taker' taking things for granted. The 'giving' wife suffers. The husband makes promises to give while taking and after promises fall flat he renews his promises to take more. Some aggressive wives, of course, can reverse this scenario, but then the misery only shifts to the other party. Relationships hardly get better.

All top functionaries, be it in government or in private firms or in corporations, enjoy immense powers of 'giving' in terms of huge favors, contracts, promotions, transfers, loans or sanctions. The shrewd ones expertly bargain for these powers and get compensated with plain cuts or bribes or more real benefits. The upright ones go on only giving expecting a natural mutuality that never comes. The expert ones in the opposite camp, like the taker husband, make promises to take favors, do not keep them and periodically renew the promises to take more favors. Relationships hardly get more productive.

All the credit card issuers make big promises to squeeze as much out of their customers as possible and when their lies are caught they make much more lofty promises to squeeze some more. Relationships hardly last.

Teenagers indulge in fast gives and takes. The expert ones try to optimize only the takes while the ones in the opposite camp try to minimize the gives. Relationships hardly grow.

The profound question that surfaces is: do the relationships have to be based on a harmonious policy of give and take? Has it then become a conditional access into a defined relationship? And even that conditional access is not at all free of the bug or the hackers? The unconscious 'harmony' of relationships in the olden times is lost forever?

The relationship matrix is getting more complicated, more perplexing and more frustrating day by day. Someone needs to try find out newer keywords for relationships very quickly and urgently.  (Source:)

Epilogue: The mutuality exchange leaves the ones who go by merit or ability fully frustrated, wasted and angry. However, s/he should not lose heart. Sometime somewhere s/he might still come out successful, fulfilled and happy.
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