Humor: Successful Male Entry Into The Kitchen Requires An Analytical Mind!

Although the growth of the nuclear families in the recent decades with mostly co-working spouses has made male entry into the kitchen a somewhat desirable proposition the two-year-old and extending Pandemic has become a gamechanger, making the said male entry an absolute necessity. The kitchen has assumed a never-before prominence as every morsel of consumed grubs has come to be necessarily home cooked, and the working-from-home spouses and often the idling males lounging inside their homes all the time have made it a study-in-contrast: the working or housewife ladies of the homes getting roasted all the time in the kitchen and the husbands gorging on the dishes along with their children or otherwise. Some discerning ladies of the homes have assigned them the job of washing utensils first as if to test their commitment and excellence, and then dishing out more serious responsibilities. In any case, the convergence of the life-partners as accomplices in the kitchen has become a fact of life.


Now, the question is about how to become a successful accomplice—the ‘success’ here means the male contribution don’t lead to more problems or complications or plain scolding or unmanageable rants. This writer, from his own enriching experiences in this game-changing reality, thinks that having an analytical mind going into the minutest details of the matter really helps becoming successful helpers. A few of the manifestative ‘applications’ of the ‘analysis’ have been listed out below for the benefits of the larger males.


First, you (from here ‘you’ implies the fellow males) must accept without any condition and being demonstrative in possible ways under all circumstances that the lady of the house is the sole authority in the kitchen area, if not in the whole household. You may be a firm believer in gender equality both in concept and in practice, but still, you must concede this supremacy in all humility. The better-halves of our world are in fact better in almost all respects of life, and this particularly relevant ‘supremacy’ has been due to an array of domestic, societal and demographic reasons among others since the birth of humankind. And, you must remember the glorious fact that they have been the mothers on this planet.


Secondly, you must be a diehard activist in matters of cleanliness that entails keeping an eye on the kitchen areas, particularly the slabs hosting the burners or the hot plates and all related to cooking, all the time. This has historically proved to be an arena of disputes and disagreements. You must also be fastidious enough to keep all the items in place as desired by your wife and pray, not ever to break any delicate utensils, before you leave the kitchen. Any unfortunate departure from that could very well result in a rupture.


Thirdly, you have to be a very good listener. You must imbibe all the instructions by heart before carrying out your assignments. Often, instructions do contain a carry-over element covering the whole process of your engagement. Okay, you think you’ve listened well and carried out all the instructions in letter and spirit; but there can always be an area of discontentment depending on your attention to the carry-over part of the instructions. An illustrative example will help you understand better.


You cook something, make it ready and your wife appears putting something on the second burner making both the burners occupied. Now, you need to make steaming cups of tea and so, need a free stove. Had you listened to the full instructions you’d have put that something out of the stove temporarily and after making the tea you’d have again put that something back. Alas, you’ve missed that bit and kept the second burner free, shoving away that something somewhere, in unauthorized territories. And obviously your better-half is justified in coming back and screaming at you as she needs that vacant area on the slab for something else. You must be attentive enough to avoid that.


Fourth, you must never show your sullenness or temper while being assigned the jobs even if you really feel so. You have to comply with her desires to your own benefit.


Fifth, you shouldn’t ever boast of your culinary expertise. You may indeed be an excellent cook, but do desist from making the point strongly. This does not involve the laughable possibility of making her ‘insecure’ in her own kingdom and such absurdities should never take control of your mind. You can also, most probably, be a confirmed bad cook, and in that unfortunate eventuality you must put in all your efforts—like listening to her recipe instructions very carefully and not hesitating to keep on referring to her and back during the process—and get better over time.


Last, but not the least in our grateful endeavor for a healthy and peaceful kitchen, you should never allow yourself to be carried away in unhinged delight if you happen to find your self-cooked dishes extremely tasty, and start showering the superlatives on your abilities yourself. You have to wait patiently for her comments, no matter if those were good or bad or entirely absent. You can be sure that your rewards would come one day or confront you suddenly anytime later if indeed you’re able to make the lady of the house happy and relishing.


This writer sincerely hopes that you do gain some insight from his humble musings and are able to shine in the most desired joint-partnership in the most happening domain of life.


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