Senior Citizens: Have Conversations of the Khatak Variety!


“Hello! Is this Mr. ----?”

“Yes, speaking.”

“Sir, I’m calling from the Khatak Life Insurance Company…!”

“Oh, welcome back! So, you’re giving me a job again, right?”

“Well Sir…it’ll be a part-time job…!”

“How much salary would you be giving me per month?”

“Well…err…Sir! First you’ll have to come to our branch to discuss it over!”

“Nah, my dear lady! I won’t come again to any branch of yours. Since you know everything about me please send me the appointment letter!”

“Hmm…mmm…um…ugh…ooh…!”

“Enjoy your day!” (Cuts the line … Khatak!)

 

*

 

“Hello Sir! I’m -----, calling from Khatak Bank. Can I have a minute with you please?”

“About what?”

“We’re giving you a credit card with a lot of benefits, specially designed for you…!”

“So, nowadays you’ve started issuing credit cards to granddads too!”

“Pardon Sir?”

“What pardon? I know a bit about how you get our phone numbers. Now, once you get my number you have to be knowing a bit about my user profile too, no?”

“Your privacy and security are our most important concerns, Sir! ...”

“Whoa! Really? Then how come you don’t know I’ve crossed the age of 65 and am a pension-earning senior citizen?”

“Sorry Sir…um…ugh…ooh…!”

“Enjoy your day!” (Cuts the line…Khatak!)

 

*

 

“Hi Sir! I’m calling from No-Khatak Bank! We have a pre-approved and lifetime free credit card ready for you!”

Arre yaar! Why do you keep on harassing me? I’m 70, don’t you know that?” (Cuts the line…Khatak!)

 

*

 

“Hello! Am I speaking to --- please?”

“Yes?”

“Sir, I’m calling from Khatak financial services! Is this the right time to talk with you?”

“Forget what’s right or wrong! Tell me what you’d like to talk to me about?”

“Sir, there’s a great offer for you! A pre-approved personal loan of up to a million bucks with discounted interest rates and easy EMIs…!”

“You know my age?”

“Pardon Sir?”

“Let me know how exactly I’m supposed to utilize your loan since I’m 75 and so I hardly have any plans or aspirations of purchasing or investing or anything of that sort!”

“Hmm…mmm…um…ugh…ooh…!”

“Enjoy your day, dear!” (Cuts the line…Khatak!)

 

*

 

“Hello! I’m calling from Khatak heavenly travels and luxury resorts club! Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“What do I have to with you heavenly company, I’m heavily down on earth only and am sticking to that!”

“Oh Sir! This offer is irresistible! For a nominal annual membership fee it’ll offer you travel packages round the year in five-star resorts for 25 years, along with…!”  

“Hey my heavenly brother, wait! Why didn’t you check my age in advance? With a pension how do you expect me to afford your heavenly benefits? I’ve just crossed 80, you know!”

“Hmm…mmm…um…ugh…ooh…!”

“Enjoy your day, darling!” (Cuts the line...Khatak!)

 

*

 

“Hello Sir! I’m ---, from Khatak developers-builders!”

“Yes, how can I help you?”

“Sir, we have a huge project coming up in ----- site. Are looking for investing in property? You can book a flat early to have the early-bird discounts!”

“Are you providing me the millions of bucks needed?”

“Pardon Sir?”

“At the age of 85 how on earth do you think I’d manage a huge home loan to buy your property?”

“Hmm…mmm…ugh…um…ooh…!”

“Enjoy your day, honey!” (Cuts the line...Khatak!)

 

(Note: The hordes of leeches have unfortunately multiplied manifold thanks largely to the long pandemic slump. They pester you on whatever phone you’re using on a daily basis, asking for your money; they litter you text inbox with countless messages containing promos/videos/ links, asking for your money; they infiltrate your WA space too, inviting you to spend your money on a daily basis; you visit your favorite internet sites and suddenly they start asking for your money too; and even the money-rich famous religious places start hankering after your donations with daily reminders. You cannot possibly blame many of them as they’re desperately trying to make a decent living, apart from the downright hackers/fakers/fraudsters/greedy-for-money entities. Most of the other firms/apps are doing a thriving business by providing their databases liberally to the so-called telemarketers. In our modern digital age you cannot prevent that. However, my point is that when the service providers sell their databases why they don’t emphasize on the age-factor of the users so that at least the senior citizens are not harassed every day!

But to make matters worse, the senior citizens, mostly who’ve recently retired, are on special radar of some of the predating vultures like the life insurance companies. Their target is to blood-suck you dry, squeeze the last penny out of the varying pension packages hard-earned by the victims and reduce them to beggars on the street. Now, pensioners heavily depend on their savings to eke out an independent living and the tension increasingly gets heightened if they happen to live for many years after retirement. Beware then, senior citizens! Do never fall prey to their offers; never click a suspicious link; never seriously consider their job offers as they only want to make you spend at every step, indefinitely; never hand over your personal details to any entity; never make personal posts on social media. Remember that poverty among the pensioners has been rising worryingly across the globe.)

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